One of those days

Just when I thought things were going smoothly. I've been trying to slow down and stay present. I am trying to enjoy the small moments more and pay attention to that little voice that says, "maybe today you should stay home" or "maybe today you shouldn't have any playdates". Well...today was a beautiful day. Lucy went to school in the morning. Edie took a nap the whole time Lucy was gone and I had 2 hours to myself. I cleaned, watched a show I hadn't seen in a while and generally enjoyed my time.

Then I picked up Lucy. It's not her fault. She's 3, almost 4. Really, its not her fault but lately I feel like she is a walking accident. She has always been reactive and impulsive. She needs to 'see' how things work and 'feel' how they work. There is very little thought before her actions. I was hoping this was just a toddler phase but as she reaches her 4th birthday, I'm more and more convinced that this is the way she learns and we need to be prepared for lots of trial and error.

So I found her in the bathroom at school because she had just fallen into a nasty mud puddle. We did a quick change in the car with the extra clothes I always have available. Then I thought I would treat the girls to a lunch at Taco Del Mar. We usually share a bowl of rice, beans, chicken tomatoes, salsa, guacamole and sour cream. Its like a burrito without the tortilla shell. It makes for easy sharing. As I was filling our cups, I turned around to check on them only to discover that Lucy had one side of the table lifted way in the air saying, "tippy, tippy, ha". At the moment when I was registering what was happening, the tray of food slid off the table and down the window before it rested upside down on the floor.

I've never seen her do something like this before. Or even try to do something like this. I was in shock. How do you respond? My first thought was, "Are you FREAKIN kidding me?????!!!!!" But what came out was an exasperated, "LUCY!!" Then as I looked at her face, I realized that she had NO idea that the food would slide off. Absolutely none. Or if she thought about the food sliding, she hadn't thought about the mess and not being able to eat it and certainly not her mother's reaction. So...bottling up my anger, I cleaned up the mess as I tried to figure out how to handle it. Her eyes started tearing up as she said, "I didn't get a chance to eat yet." I couldn't help but feel empathy for her. She was really hurting. She didn't mean to cause the situation.

I purchased another bowl and she promptly ate 5 bites before she decided her tummy was full.

All of this while I tried to keep Edie in her high chair because it didn't have a belt that held her in and she absolutely refused to sit forward or sit at all. She was constantly climbing up and onto the table. I had to eat crazy fast since Lucy was done and Edie was climbing. I carried my cup out to the car because I wanted to at least take it along to enjoy only to have Edie knock it over before I got it in the car. SO...no more eating out.

Now...my typical solution when we are stressed and things aren't going our way is to head to the sandy beach, Alki beach. Everyone seems to relax and zone out. But not today!!!

Lucy did something to Edie on the drive there that made her cry. I told her that this trip to the beach needed to go smoothly or we would leave early. We get to the sand and I was searching through the bag for a partially eaten fruit/protein bar that had been discarded yesterday after Lucy dropped it on the nasty floor of the car and then decided she didn't like it. I was hungry since I really didn't get to eat lunch. I pulled off the pieces that had visible dirt on them and right at the moment I was putting a piece in my mouth trying to forget where I picked it up off the floor, Lucy tossed a handful of sand directly at my that landed on the bar, in my mouth, on my clothes, you get the idea. As I shouted her name once again, she said, "Are things going smoothly, Mama?"

Ok...this made me laugh. I had to hide my head behind Edie. I was both fuming and hysterical!

This afternoon we got home and I send everyone outside. I put them in swings and use the manual mower between the pushes. We rake and play in the fresh grass. We let the chickens out and watch their antics and just generally enjoy our time. Yes, this is a day I should have stayed at home. BUT sometimes you don't know these things until you are in the moment.

Oh, my favorite moment of the day? A few minutes ago, Lucy was playing in the apple tree, Murphy was laying in the fresh cut grass and the chickens were having a dust bath and Edie was happily exploring the various crap on the floor of the laundry room. All was calm.