confession

Ok…so I tossed out the big kid bed picture with some nonchalance as if it didn’t involve weeks of conversation and anxiety for me. If I were really honest, I would admit that Rodney has had this theory since she was about a year old. But, being the wonderfully patient husband that he is, he just kept gently pleading his case while I gave yet another milestone that needed to be accomplished before we could make the switch.

First I wanted her to be able to climb out easily on her own. Then I needed her to be sleeping better because I didn’t want the switch to add more deprivation. Then I needed to make a thorough sweep of the room to find all potential hazards. This step became my power play as I just never found enough time or enough solutions for the myriad of dangers. Through all of this, Rodney said, ok. And periodically would share his theory that she may just become that kid that gets up quietly and enjoys some play time with the freedom of her room.

So here’s the real confession. I SO didn’t believe that she would be that kid. Everything in my gut believed that she would be running into our room and crying at our bedside at each cycle in her sleep. I saw my own sleep deteriorating, our days filled with crying and exhaustion and the crankiness of us both reaching an all time high. By the way…I didn’t realize I could be a fatalist until becoming a parent.

By spending the past several weeks reading on the bed, playing on the bed and purchasing the IKEA mosquito net thing, Lucy and I both warmed up to the idea. It just happened naturally. Rodney even declared the first night his sole responsibility to help her at any point in the night. He made me a believer.

Yesterday, she chose the bed for nap time and took a record nap for her. I was stunned and had to go in at one point to make sure she hadn’t suffocated in the blanket and pillows. Her crib has been void of anything puffy for 20 months and now suddenly she gets to have a blanket and pillows? She looks like such a kid! I just kept staring at her.

These transitions seem to be so much harder on me than her. While I’ve been writing this, she woke up, climbed off her bed and went to the gate at her door. I heard the binky fall to the hardwoods and her say, “Uh Oh” and then soon after she started calling, “mama”. There is truly nothing more intensely loving about that sound. I can’t describe it. I would have lived quite happily and successfully without it but I sure love the feeling of the small part of my heart that is awakened by that sound.